In my life I have met very few people who are not lonely. Loneliness is pervasive. Most of us, if we are honest, feel lonely. We can think of loneliness as the experience of feeling alone, isolated, disconnected from the world around us. Often, we cover up loneliness by socialising, by spending time with others, drinking with others, having a fun time. But usually that…
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Some reflections on the Buddha
The Buddhist scriptures paint a certain image of the Buddha. For one, they call him ‘the Buddha’, literally, ‘the one who knows’, rather than refer to him the way we refer to each other. We are Kaif, Varun, Anita, etcetera. The person I am writing about was Siddhartha. The scriptures narrate him to have spoken in highly formal, repetitive, poetic ways – “Thus having observed…
The making of a therapist
In psychotherapy we are primarily addressing emotional wounds. Emotional wounds can only heal in presence. In sitting with what hurts, in allowing it to hurt us, in tears, in anger, in facing our limited existence and how precarious it is. A 35 year old man comes to therapy, experiencing deep anxiety every day, and particularly when a close emotional relationship threatens to develop. Over several…
The therapist’s mental health
Facebook post, 7 July 2026 Today I came to know that Victor Yalom, a well-known psychotherapist, died in February this year. He committed suicide. Yalom was an existentialist-humanistic therapist, like his father Irvin Yalom, who remains among the most well-regarded therapists in contemporary times. Victor’s suicide reminds one of another famous therapist who committed suicide – Bruno Bettelheim, whose books brought to light the inner…
The contemplative conversation
You have just had an argument with a close friend. This relationship seems to be shaking. You try to understand what you did wrong, and what the friend did wrong. You try to understand life without this friend by your side. You go over and over the entire stream of lines spoken by you and him. But beneath this mental activity lies a fear. Fear…
Walking barefoot
The language of the body We are taught from childhood to use words for our thoughts. But we can also use words not just for the thoughts we have, but for the sensations we have. We can do this in an immersive way, not merely for a minute or a few seconds to label a particular sensation, but to live in the sensation, for a…
A dog called Blacky
When I think of Blacky, I think of the wide, big eyes that looked curiously at me, asking if I love him. I think of his growls. He growled when he was happy being petted, he growled when he was angry at Jumbo, the other male dog around, for entering his area. He growled when happily following me along with Whitey on a walk in…
Rani and Bagheera
Rani is a brown dog who lives outside my house. She is about 7 years old. I made friends with Rani when I moved to this neighbourhood three years ago. She was scared at first, watching me warily as I made ‘tch tch tch’ sounds at her, but we were friends soon. It is not difficult to make friends with a dog. Smile at the…
Psychotherapy as a political practice
For any idea to mean something substantial for a human being, it must be rooted in a deeply and honestly felt emotional experience in the present moment. Else, the idea is only an intellectual entity that doesn’t touch anything at the core of us, even if it may provide us the gratification of exercising our cognitive functions and engaging in debates. Often, we are willing…
The art of listening
Unlike what some may consider a quality of effective writing, the purpose of this post is not to grab your attention. Often what our attention is offered exists on a spectrum from boring to grabbing, and the more it veers to the latter, the better it is considered. This applies to the gripping film, the grabbing social media post, the ‘unputdownable’ book, and to much…